Kinda Crunchy Mom

November 11, 2008

Expiration dates

Filed under: Mama notes — by mcadmom @ 12:54 pm

I hate cleaning out the fridge and I always make Jamie do it.  If it were up to me, things would just self-destruct upon reaching their sell by date, the mysterious green things growing in tupperware would disappear on their own, and milk would evaporate rather than become solid.  When things start to near the date printed on the bottom I start to feel suspicious (“Sure milk, I loved you yesterday, but when will you start to turn on me?”) and don’t want to even try it.

Imagine how it felt, then, yesterday at the doc’s office when the nurse told me that if we want another baby then we better get a move on–my eggs are nearing their sell-by date.  At first I felt like I was on a sitcom, and at any moment I would spout off a witty comeback, go home and have a hilarious personal crisis, only to go through goofy shenanigans trying to get pregnant.  When I told her that Jamie and I have already decided not to go through any heroics to get pregnant she said, “Just be sure that’s how you feel because your options are growing limited”, and she was right, I know.

But after losing our baby it was so hard to even step into the office.  I sat in my car for 20 minutes and had a good cry before my appointment, and even I was surprised at my reaction.  Sitting that table, having the conversation about my oldish eggs made me realize that I truly do want another baby, desperately, but that I am afraid to do anything more than hope.  I don’t know if I can put any energy into pregnancy and have my heart broken again.

I may not be too old to have a baby, but I am starting to feel weary of the constant hope that I may be pregnant followed by the realization that I am not.  And I do not want my mid-life to be characterized by the desire for a larger family and the devastation at not having one.



  1. With God nothing is impossible 🙂

    Comment by mommy2mygirlz — November 13, 2008 @ 7:34 pm |Reply

  2. xoxoxoxo

    Comment by rebeccaflynn — November 16, 2008 @ 4:15 pm |Reply

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