Kinda Crunchy Mom

June 15, 2008

Monkey see, monkey do

Filed under: Uncategorized — by mcadmom @ 9:39 pm

For about two months now, Olivia has wanted to do everything I do, wear what I wear, etc.  Some days it’s fun, but it is usually annoying because it takes forever to leave the house.  Until Gymboree makes entire matching wardrobes, we are never going to be exactly the same.  I’ve been able to point out some similarity between our outfits–“Look!  We both have halter tops on!” or “Our shorts are the same color!” but she’s starting to catch on.  The only way I got to the bank in time last week was to agree to wear pigtails.  Yep, the bobbsy twin thing is starting to wear on me…

There is another issue too, a huge part of me does not want her to emulate me. 

Once, in those long ago pre-mommy days, I heard an interview with Toni Morrison.  She was talking about the inclination us mothers have to pick at the flaws in our children.  When they walk into a room, the impulse is to fix their hair, wipe their face, tie their shoes.  What they really need from us, what we really need to ask ourselves, is this–“Do my eyes light up when they walk into the room?”  Our children need to know how cherished they are, not that their lunch is still streaking across their chin.  We can wipe, but we need to light up first.

I am the same way with myself, I pick and paw at every flaw and weakness as if I can fix everything about myself at once.  I know I am a good mom, I know that I am a good person, but the reality is that my flaws stick out like thorns whenever I think of myself.  Some days when Olivia wants to dress like me, I want to look at her and say, “Why?  I’m not that great, you know.”  Thing is, her eyes still ight up whenever she sees someone she loves, every time.

What this is confirming for me is the lesson I seem to have to learn over and over again.  We are in each other’s lives to help one another grow and heal.  Every friend (or enemy) is in my life as an opportunity for me to be a better person.  And as hard as it is to remember, the reason Olivia can find my achilles heel every time is because it is time for me to give that junk up.  So lately I’ve been tossing some of those old notions out, just to see what happens.  Stay tuned…

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