Kinda Crunchy Mom

April 25, 2008

Magic Happens

Filed under: Mama notes — by mcadmom @ 9:24 pm

My good friend told me this would happen around three years old, but I had no idea how delightful it would be.  Olivia has started singing everything, all the time.  It is amazing to me that every action has a song to go with it, today I heard a lovely song about the joys of washing towels.

It was beautiful today.  We are supposed to have a major cool down over the next week, so Olivia and I spent most of the afternoon outside.  She played with her water table near the driveway, and I showed her a bit of magic…

Olivia filled her watering can and poured a trail along the gravel driveway.  I picked up one of the wet stones and described how it changed color once it got wet.  For the next 45 minutes, Olivia picked up stone after stone and dipped them into the water, wondering at their shiny beauty.

If only it could always be so easy…

Because she can talk so much now, I can already feel her growing up and out, and I can  feel a tiny ache, deep inside.  The first time I felt it was right after she was born, and I missed having her so close.  For weeks, my favorite way to nap was with her lying on my chest–it just felt right.  During that time all of the scariness in the world became painfully real and close. 

I would lie on the couch with her and imagine the fear of mothers who have to live in war, the terror of soldiers marching toward your home.  I would think of the agony of not having enough food to feed your child, or the fear of not having a place to live.  All of the unimaginable things became so tangible that I could not watch the news for a year.

That little ache is the knowledge that Olivia lives in this world as much as I do, and that she will one day enter it without me holding her hand.  She is just as vulnerable as all of us are, just as powerful and just as powerless.  She will experience meanness, she will probably be mean herself.  She will be afraid, and she will comfort another in their fear.  She will have dreams that will come true, dreams that will disappear.  Oh, that awful ache.

I know that the magic I can share with her now will not be impressive to her at 15, or 25.  The legacy I want to give her, though, is that wonderment she felt today–that joy of discovery.  I know it is not realistic to think she will go into the world unafraid, but I hope I can instill curiosity and the ability to ask “why?”.  I want her to know that there are as many mysteries as there are stones, and that if she wants to, she can watch them reveal themselves.



  1. ahhhhh. that ponytail is killing me! adorable!!

    Comment by rebeccaflynn — April 28, 2008 @ 2:05 pm |Reply

  2. DIANE!!! Rebecca sent me a link to your blog and I’m so excited to be reading about your life. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and in that bubble blowing picture she looks just like a mini-Diane! I’ll be checking in on you regularly now, and if you have a minute you can click onto my (less than regularly updated) blog:

    Take care,
    Bridget K, relatively crunchy (the co-op thing stays with ya forever!)

    Comment by dublinb — April 28, 2008 @ 3:52 pm |Reply

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